I Miss You Dad

A year ago today you took your last breath,  

I’m guessing they call it “a peaceful death”

Activity, noise and faces in those last few days

Yet felt like any other day in so many ways

I’d arrive, make the tea

Sit beside you and chat

Fill the air with banal nonsense

About this, about that

More visitors than in the previous 2 years

We had to accept a future ending in tears

The quiet broken by the morphine pump bleep

Unaware as you drift in and out of your sleep

Oddly comforting as it meant no more pain

Surely it’s wrong to see the sunshine, not rain

Your breath is shallow and your eyes slightly open

I convinced myself you heard every word that was spoken

We told you we loved you, I placed flowers near your head

I have no regrets; every word had been said

I remember the whole week, yet every day  I’d feel dread

District Nurses, the Hospice, faithful carers by your bed

Everyone waiting and holding their breath

There’s nothing harder than waiting for death

Not something you wish for but know it’s the end

They say time heals, that broken hearts mend

Surreal to be witness to the end of your life

My brother and I supporting your wife

Your strength was unfailing, as was your will

Life carried on while it seemed to stand still

whilst my heart broke and tears stung my eyes

your soul was released and took to the skies

The last time I saw you, your face wasn’t you,

so gaunt and withdrawn, your smile wasn’t there

No longer my Daddy, a shell of yourself

I just couldn’t bear to see more of you leave

I kissed you goodbye and started to grieve

Thank goodness for photos of your heart-stopping grin

The one person who had faith, encouraged me to win

“Parkinson’s mask”, they say takes a man’s smile,

Well, it only took yours for a very short while

Your smile was too powerful, your will was too strong

So much it did take but you still battled on

Disease took so much, your dreams, so much hope

You amazed us, with your courage, ability to cope

You fought 15 years, from diagnosis to the end

Such dignity, so stoic, your glass  still half full

An honour to call you my Hero, my Dad

If I have half of your courage, I’d be grateful and glad

You battled on, no word of complaint, your soul held on strong

Letting go was hard but relief for you can’t be wrong

I know when you’re near me, see signs you’re close by

A robin, a butterfly or words in a song

You pop into my head

I’ll see your face in a cloud

You’ve got my back, on my side

I acknowledge you out loud

I know it was time, you couldn’t take anymore

With pain and discomfort, and everything sore

Rest easy my hero and stay by my side

From the day that you chose me, to the day that you died

Until together again, you’ll stay safe in my heart

Keep guiding and smiling down from above

Raise your face to the sunshine, I’ll hold my head up high

Despite my best efforts I can’t help but cry

I know that you hear me when I say “Love you Dad”

I keep myself busy, to avoid feeling sad

You can see me touch your photo and then sigh

You wrap arms around me when I break down and cry

You meant everything to me and so much more

Your strength and wisdom, so easy to adore

I miss you, can’t believe a year has flown by

Treasured memories, but I knew that you’d die

Taking comfort, you’re rested and healed up above

I will live my life and still feel your love

One day we’ll hug again and not be apart

Rest easy my hero, forever in my heart

Love and Miss you Dad xxx

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