Best Adoption Blogs 2020 #4

Pretty happy to find myself at #4 Best Adoption Blogs 2020…

https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/best-adoption-blogsBest Adoption Blogs

Grow Into The Light

So I am up and down on this next rollercoaster ride. A rocky ride of grief. My hero is resting and finally at peace. I still struggle believing it to be honest. His presence remains in every room of my family home. I sense him with me much of the time.

Sadly the potted rose I placed by his resting place has now withered and died. I realise I didn’t really think that through..didn’t consider beyond the day of his funeral. Why didn’t it occur to me that it would need water, nourishment, love and attention.?…just like he did …. and like we all do. I’ve a plan to plant a yellow rose in his garden at the house . Yellow was his favourite colour. Matched his glass half full sunny nature. Even had this attitude at the end. I know there it will get the attention and nurturing it needs, right where he said goodbye.

They say this gets easier in time. I go about my business , trying to keep busy, finding distractions …but it comes in waves…like a sudden cooling on my soul. A piece of music, a colour, a smell and I’m right there by his bedside. I saw the exact same rose bouquet I placed in his room days before he passed. It was beautiful upon a neighbours dining table. Made me sob suddenly realizing it’s scent was something I’ll never forget now. Every Robin and Butterfly makes me think it’s him…even the one who flew head first into the kitchen window. I figured he was in training !?😃

It feels so surreal saying “Morning” to his smiling face by my bed …then I fight back the tears ..how long does that last? I know it’s only a few weeks but I want it to hurt less now. Life’s consistently surprising me in the way it just romps on as if nothing has happened. I feel I didn’t prepare myself for this stage. Grieved him for years but when his physical presence actually left it was still a shock….The way my Mum is holding up is remarkable..I am, of course, helping by removing black bags of clothing and shoes. His favourite suits she asked repeatedly if she could get rid off. As if hoping for some miracle cure he would say a flat No! So they stayed in the wardrobe he’d never see again as stairs were a thing of the past. Same with his golf shoes. Same with his ties and his running shoes. What the fuck happened?.Why did it have to be him!?

So many utter shits go through life unscathed and healthy despite treating their own bodies with so little respect. Then my health conscious Papa gets a disease so cruel and debilitating and with no known cure.

Now I’m not a particular believer in there being an almighty “God” ..much less so now that’s for sure. But I’m spiritual and believe in Karma and there being an afterlife better than this one. So I trust I’ll see him again for a hug one day and see the twinkle in those brown eyes and the humour on his lips. He will call me by my nickname again and touch my cheek. He will make me laugh again and I’ll hear his unique natural giggle. He will ask me to help on a crossword clue knowing I’ve no idea…If there was a God the last 15 years wouldn’t have been such a downward spiral of pain, anguish and suffering…he would have been spared the worst of all humiliations. If there is a God he is not on my Christmas list 😒

So in my determination to keep busy I started a Zumba class…gutted not to have shed my excess stone in weight gained during lockdowns….after 2 sessions shouldn’t I have dropped a dress size?

Love Zumba, movement,music and the fluidity of salsa. This recent session was hard in more ways than the humidity and the fact I throw myself around like I baby elephant in a mud pool.

The amazing teacher had said she’d tried to print off a translation to the warm down track…a moving and heart wrenching tale of motivation, love and reality….she was tearful describing it herself. The gist is we are planted as a seed in the dark and grow into the light. We are not as good as we are going to be, there is more to come. There is a rainbow to be found after the storm. You can imagine how I started to feel listening to her translation. I had to move to closing windows to stop myself crying. Not entirely sure that’s the vibe I wanted to go home with . However I asked for the link and also the translation to the song and will share it here with you. It really is beautiful ❤️

I’m hoping you will enjoy it ☺️ Feedback would be lovely if you feel at all moved by it or anything else I’ve shared with you over the years . Your comments of encouragement are much preferable to the spam the filters save for my amusement…

Enjoy the music here

https://youtu.be/2UDZH_Htpq8

Translation

Best of Me

Today, the seed that sleeps on the ground And hides in the dark that it holds

Will be born a flower tomorrow

Although the hope of the light is scarce

The rain that wets and passes

Will bring love in a drop I am also waiting for the light

I let myself here where the shadow seduces

I am also waiting for myself

Something tells me that the storm will pass

One needs to loose to win afterwards

And even without seeing, believing It is life that goes on and does not wait for us

Each step that we take forward

Walking without fear of making mistakes

I believe that the night will ever become a day

And the glow that the sun eradiates

Will always shine upon me I break the shackles in this regret of mine

If I’m reborn at each moment

My destiny in life is greater I’m also going in search of light

I leave this place where the shadow seducesI am also waiting for myself

Something tells me that the storm will pass

One needs to loose to win afterwards

And even without seeing, believing It is life that goes on and does not wait for us

Each step that we take forward

Walking without fear of making mistakes I believe that the night will ever become a day

And the glow that the sun eradiates

Will always shine upon me I know that the best of me is to come

Thanks again for reading

Much love , Black Sheep xxx

Book sales going through the roof so grab a copy Black Sheep Sweet Dreams …or on Amazon

Contact me by email blacksheepsweetdreams@gmail.com

A Fitting Send off…

I’m sure he would have been proud of all his children and grandchildren,we all did our bit! Sombre yet celebratory and respectful…I know he was watching and smiling his incredible smile 😁❤️💔

I was going to talk today as a means to saying Goodbye, but then I decided I would actually like to say Thank you to my beloved Dad

❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔


Thankyou Dad for the twinkle in your eye and your winning smile

I want to take you back in history, back quite a while,

An early memory running round your legs in my poncho

Of you pushing our sledge on the back fields in snow



Remember the drive to school, when you wouldn’t really talk

But then I didn’t speak either, just glad not to have to walk

Mum would complain as we were a grumpy morning pair

Stopped making our breakfast, she gave up in despair



From college I’d grab a lift from your office, almost nightly

How proud you were of your role, and quite rightly

Dedicated, hardworking , a much respected boss

I’m sure when you retired they all felt the loss



I flew from the nest to a damp riddled flat

After a few months I asked if I could come back

Independent and grown up, with lessons to learn

Apparently you were coming to discuss return home terms



Strangely enough, this never entered my head.

I was heading home, back to my old bed.

In your head were rules, in mine a hot meal.

Sorry Dad, I’d been packing for days, it was a done deal.



Your dignified fight in a battle so long

Not a word of self-pity, your spirit stayed strong.

When we learned you were poorly, we all felt the shock

I miss you already, my hero, my rock.



Brave to the end, you smiled at me, it felt like a gift

I’ve treasured the memory, made the dark clouds lift.

So mostly I thank you for being my Dad,

Ill try to be worthy, try not to be sad



I want to say Thank you, this isn’t goodbye.

Im blessed to have memories and ill try not to cry

Its true when I say to anyone who knows me

My life’s greatest gift is the day that you chose me



Thank You Dad, I love you xxx


💔

Adoption Podcast by Black Sheep

Take an hour to truly understand my views on being adopted….might be surprised 😯💕

Time to share my voice..yikes. (apologies in advance ..I literally hate my voice!!)

https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-ry5wn-b8c127Adoption Podcast on The Adoption & Fostering Podcast Podbean

Thanks for taking the time to listen…

Much love as always

Black Sheep xxx

Goodnight Sweet Man ðŸ’”

Sleep tight Dad..my heart is broken into a thousand pieces but I know you’re at peace .

Shine like the star you are and feel the warmth of the sun on your beautiful face. The world loses a precious soul and Heaven gains an Angel. I’ll miss my number one fan, my hero …Rest in Peace…forever in my heart I adore you 💔💔💔


My beautiful children have lost a treasured Grandad, my Mum is bereft losing a partner of over 60 years and my brothers and I lost our beloved hero.

If nothing else puts it into words it’s the no nonsense statement from my 4 year old son….he is cuddling me and says ” Do you know,people go in the clouds and watch you but you can’t see them! Out of the mouth of a 4 year old 💔❤️😢…then adds Mummy , can you not be crying tommorow

I will miss you every minute of everyday ❤️💔

Good night Dad xxx
LostGirl

In Finding Idenity

Black Sheep Sweet Dreams

Black Sheep - My Adoption Journey - Muses & Memories

spoonie-mama.com/

Attempting to survive my late-discovery adoption and the two tiny humans I created with humor, honesty, and weekly therapy sessions.

One Woman's Choice

No matter our ethnic make-up, social classification, marital status or religious beliefs, whether you are a parenting mother, bereaved mother, married mother, divorced mother, single mother, step mother, adoptive mother, birth mother, foster mother, or a widowed mother, this blog is to support all mothers and the reproductive choices women make.

Eddie Star Blog

If I dont make you uncomfortable, than I've failed.

Gastradamus

Gastradamus is my name, and Gassy Topics are my game!

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Always Backroads

In a different light: my view of the world.

%d bloggers like this: