Poem : I’m Just Not Ready…

I’m just not ready to say goodbye
The sun’s shining in bright blue sky
The tree blossom showing , all flowers in bloom
Birds singing, as if in rhyme

I’m just not ready, it’s not your time

My heart is breaking as you gaze at my face Stop the clocks , it feels like a race
Your breathing and smiling, It’s too unfair

I start welling up, such an intense stare.

Only last week you were in your favourite chair
It’s cushions moulded to your shape as if still sat there
I asked if you were in any pain, we’d never know as you never complain

Your stoical pride always so dignified
I had to leave the room before I cried
The last words youve said were admitting the struggle
All I could do was give you a cuddle

I’m just not ready to let you go!
I’ve more to say, exactly what I don’t really know
But this ride is too fast and I want it to stop
I feel I’m at the edge of a precipice about to drop

The kindest man alive  doesn’t deserve such cruelty
The man who’s my constant ,whose never judged me
It’s hard to see how small you’ve become
Yet your aura shines bright like a mid summer Sun

I can’t hold your gaze the way you do right now
I’ve cried by your side but don’t want you upset
So I glance away and share news to fill  quiet air
And then I look back and yet still you stare

As if committing my face to memory
Like there’s something you’re trying to say
But I know how much you’ve loved me
No conditions, no judgement, just let me be

I’m just not ready, I’ve so much more to share
Birthdays, Father’s Day, dates I’ll now dread
You know you’re my hero, this is so hard to bear
I need much more time to say words unsaid

You’re such a huge presence, my rock, you’re my Dad
You’re squeezing my hand , the last of your  strength is making me sad
Of all the men in my life you’re my number one
Im just not ready to imagine you gone

I’ve told you grandad and gran will greet you with a welcome embrace
They’re waiting to see your shining brown eyes and relaxed smiling  face

I said you’ll be happy,  healthy and ready to rest
And the sun will be shining and warm on your skin
Back to your elegant, tall upright best
Stronger and agile and no longer thin

You gaze at your wife, who you clearly adore
It’s poignant and moving, you can’t love her  more
I weep as I watch you reach for her hands.
One pressed to your lips in a gesture so pure

I’m just not ready yet to see you leave
I can’t face the prospect of having to grieve
You’re Dad and my hero and you belong right here
Please please stop the clocks for at least one more year

Time is a healer or so they keep saying
It’s not, it’s a thief, and you should be staying!
Don’t go, don’t leave,you can’t say goodbye
I’m just not ready, I just want to cry

If there is a heaven I know you’ll be there
And this must be hell , as it’s so hard to bear
This ride is too fast, Im not having a blast
At least slow it down, I need it to last

My heart is in pieces, bit by bit it’s cracking
I don’t know what to say, my vocabulary lacking
I know you’re so tired, the fight can’t go on
But I’m just not ready, to think of you gone

Stop the world now, I want to get off
I’m taking you with me to hide you away
The time can go backwards, give back all you’ve lost
This cruel hard disease has just too high a cost

Your little girl running round through your legs
In my bright coloured poncho and beads in my hair
We giggled together, so enjoying our game
Me laughing and hiding,you calling my name

My fingers have scars from a toy pram event
My cousin riding, me pushing then down the pram went
Landed on soft knuckles, I screamed for my Dad
Mum patched up my hands, the cuts pretty bad
But what I remember most from back then
You repaired Sally, my doll talking again

I’m just not ready, part of me is dying too
It’s just so unfair, you chose me, and I chose you
When presented to you as a baby, you were asked and you confidently declared
Yes she will, she will definitely do!

Adoption is giving new life to a child
Never doubt how much you have shaped my life
My world has been safer with you within it

I’d give anything for another year, month, week , day or minute

I’ve loved you my whole life with my heart, head, and soul
I can’t think of you leaving such a huge heart shaped hole

Don’t leave us, you can’t, I don’t want you to go

Please turn back the clock,  but it’s selfish I know
To lose you is to free you but my heart is so torn
I want you to stay but your pain has to go
The only thing I know right now and for sure….

I’m just not ready……💔

Thanks for reading ❤️
Much love
Black Sheep xxx

Read My Book

3 thoughts on “Poem : I’m Just Not Ready…

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