This is just a quickie..no pun intended…I’m embarking on yet another journey…the current one in full swing of course and I will document that one when the time is right…
As is my way I need to add to my life load with more extra curricular so alongside being a Mummy to a tiny tot again (that in itself proving a full time role) I’ve decided I actually can offer a fair amount to my fellow Adoptees…That said my objective here is not entirely selfless…I do get a buzz from helping others realise their right to knowledge and if my tenacity and bullish attitude helps a handful of folk find their history I will be satisfied.
So a friend and neighbour and fellow Adoptee has felt the need to find his BM more pressing since the passing of his Adoptive Mum and since meeting my adorable small person, as he attempts to call out to him from the doorstep. He asked me recently to assist in his own trip down history lane and I’ve jumped at the chance. Of course, why not…we are friends, he’s lovely and I get the need entirely, so I set to work.
A few weeks ago and without further a do, I tripped up the lane with laptop in hand and my research head on high alert.
First step was the Birth Certificate. He had a short adoption certificate but not the full document and although helpful we needed to find the original birth certificate for the relevant information on his BM ( maiden name , occupation etc) It seemed he had only had the short one for a couple of years which in itself made me a bit cross. It was his for christsakes, no one had the right to withhold it from him! This is exactly why I need to get out there and help people find their history. Grrrr…..:-/
Its fair to say this seemed an easy task but boy did the gov.org office make it hard work…given they charge good money when the documents are on record waiting to be printed off, you would think the process would be way easier. Nope. We process the order for his full birth certificate and send it off….two weeks go by before a message to say its due in the next 3 days. This follows a message to say its been refunded as the record cannot be located.
Now two things happen here..1) we both get mightily frustrated and 2) One of us thinks they don’t actually exist!
So back on to the Gov.org office (which as it happens reminds me I will be doing same in near future as Small Person needs his full Adoption Certificate in order to obtain his first passport)
It appears that someone devoid of a single brain cell has fucked up…amaze-balls right?…Confusing my friends birth name with his current name and all hell breaks loose..of course he wont exist!!!..plankton has more nouse than some of these gov.org bods I tell you…
So again we pay for fast delivery of Full Birth Certificate. Hurrah.
A week later what should land on the door mat? The full Adoption certificate (Which we already have as a short version) OK so another hissy fit on my part and we reorder yet again. All I want is the bloody first name of his Birth Mother to confirm my findings already…
So today it arrives. At last. Now I can confirm I was on the right track.
The name is completely bloody different from my first thoughts. Again , if you refer back to my first book you will know at this point I had convinced myself to the point of obsession. I learned from that lesson that you cant be too certain. Until you know for sure and I was proved right in my self advice today.
A new name entirely…
However, a few hours with my friend and further research tonight and I can tell you I seem to have found her….fingers crossed…
So I text my neighbour the exciting news and he rang me just now..He told me he really appreciated all I was doing to help him and he sounded a bit emotional and I truly get it.
This is Huge for him, and big for me too as I invest my time willingly and love to help find answers as I know how hard life is without them. Anyone who isn’t adopted cant quite understand how we feel on this one person island of ours , akin to being set adrift on a raft without a plan.
He said something to me this afternoon, whilst my little lad happily pushed past the table and climbed up onto his knee.
It was honestly as though he felt a kindred link to this good natured , jovial man in his home who until now had been a wave away up the lane.
He turned to me and said matter of fact, without irony or edge ” You know what, we three all have something in common….we are all adopted!! ”
He’s right! My little person has no clue but we both knew that in that moment we cemented our three way friendship , we three Adoptees. Its quite a profound feeling for me to be able to realise exactly how his sense of self feels right now. He will lie awake tonight covering every possible scenario in his head…Will she like me? Am I a secret? Will she want to be found? Has she wondered about me ? etc etc
Here lies the argument of many in that perhaps she wont want to accept her past has come to bite her on the arse.
However , as we all know nothing can stop Black Sheep when she gets her teeth into something
..So, rightly or wrongly she will get found and as Earth Angel was for me, I am that essential emotional buffer for my friend as we travel this rocky road into his past together…
I know for a fact his uncertainty will grow the nearer we get to finding out if this target is the right one…but I will metaphorically hold his hand
Next step: we draft a letter , send it RECORDED delivery direct to our target…and find out for sure…………
Watch this space…
Thanks for Reading..
Much Love Black Sheep xxx
ps. If you are considering searching for a Birth relative for yourself or someone close to you please get in touch firstname.lastname@example.org