We go about our business with the knowledge that we are in control of our own destiny. However some days we realise that we cannot take this ‘control’ for granted as in fact many other forces are at work around us. I am a firm believer in Karma and the whole idea that What will be will be. As a rule I believe we cannot expect change without some effort on our own part. If someone finds themselves in a rut only they can get themselves out right? But in many cases that rut is just too deep and seems like a wide scary pit into which we might fall with no chance of a helping hand so we can climb out.
At this point we need to seek help from those who are closest and understand us best and if we are lucky our silent cry for help is answered before its too late. At the risk of sounding maudlin, I am not intending to…I want to get across that as an adopted adult much of what gets us through a day like I’ve had today is the Acceptance that I couldn’t have changed it if I wanted to, its fate.
The point is I know some adoptees fear that if they look inwards and examine their own feelings of Acceptance or lack of, they still wont find the answers.
Acceptance comes with inner peace. Its hard for some to firstly gain the courage to even look for birth family, and then when they do they are hit with a whole heap of shit to contend with. I was relatively lucky and have come through only slightly more loopy than I was at the start.However I know a few who are not so lucky and many life changing experiences can conjour up feelings felt at a much earlier stage in their lives. For example a common feeling in adopted people, (and I mean fully adopted….ie neither parent raised them for any length of time) is the feeling of not really belonging anywhere. Not ‘fitting’ where they have been raised.
I saved a book to my Kindle years ago for my child to read when she was old enough to understand the true meaning of adoption. As my natural child she has the added benefit of knowing Mummy’s story first hand.It is beautifully written and tells the tale of a poppy seed that floated in the wind and implanted in the middle of a field of sunflowers. The sentiment is really lovely. Depicting that of a child of colour adopted and moved from place to place. Essentially it describes how the ‘seeds’ are in fact planted in the most perfect place….I strongly believe that I was planted in exactly the right place and the story could have been written with me in mind.
Never doubt the importance of a nurturing family. Driven by love and passion to make life as good as it can be for their child. Whether natural or adopted, this is surely the most perfect place. I recommend this book as the cutest short story for any child or adult, adopted or not.
Get “Red in the Flower Bed” on Amazon here
Acceptance is not something that comes easy for everyone. My true acceptance of my history and my unknown past only came at the point of finding my BM. The immense feeling of relief to be at the end of the search coupled with the realisation that in fact there was a reason behind why I had certain traits, beliefs and sense of humour . Genetics play a huge part. BUT and this is a huge But. Unless you accept there are things you simply cannot change , that you cannot turn back the clock and replay time, You will never face the future with real positivity. Those feelings of rejection and having ‘been given up’ remain unless you ask yourself the real importance of them. You have a lovely family and a planned future, loving children and people who rely on your strength and support. Those are what is important, not what someone else decided for you for whatever reason worked for them back then. Tough as it is to face, it really is in the past and moving forward means counting your blessings right?
I know this post is more philosophical than humorous but you know its been one of those days….
I am dedicating this to my dearest friend E and her family. If you recall she holds a special place in my heart as she was the first ‘voice’ to helping me reunite with my BM. Her empathy and grace and her subsequent friendship mean the world to me. Today her only son died suddenly of a heart attack at just 50 years old!He leaves 6 grown up boys and a daughter of 8. Heartbreaking, and it has hit me harder than I expected. Anyway it teaches me the long learned lesson we all need to live our lives to the full. You never know what’s around the corner……
Live it, Love it and above all Laugh at it!!….