Its fair to say that at this point in my journey I didn’t really have many more ideas or a specific plan to move forward . All I did know is that I was having recurring dreams that were ensuring I didn’t turn backwards. Nightly I dreamed I was pushing against the stream in the wrong direction. It may be I was on a forest path with a howling wind in my face forcing me to push against the invisible force. Or I was on one of those water slides in a theme park , struggling against the flow of the water , or one was climbing up a down escalator against masses of people…that was pretty damn comical I tell you!. Anyway my subconscious mind was determined I was not going to give up on this quest.
With the focus on this one address I could almost ‘smell’ my Birth Mother. Odd as that sounds it was like I simply had to see inside the house to know where to go from here. Unfortunately Google Street Maps only goes so far!
MY advice here is you need to know exactly what and how much information you are happy to just give out to an unknown person . The facts about you and your history are of course yours to share with whoever you choose so be wary with this and choose what you divulge.
Me? Well I already told you I am an open book , secrecy isn’t my style, don’t see the point so when it comes to it I don’t hold back. Its MY data. So as the red tape that ties the SW in knots would prevent what I did next, I thought “What the Hell have I got to lose, if I don’t give information I wont receive information in return will I?”
So I set about writing a letter that would prove to be an emotional journey in itself.
Someone asked me at the time, Have you drafted a letter to your BM, do you know what you are going to say? Haven’t you already written it?? Clearly not an adoptee but a caring friend nevertheless so I simply said ‘To be fair, it isn’t something you can plan , it will land on the paper as I write it and not before’ Pretty much in the same way this blog is doing . I had thought I would write this out in Word and then copy into a blog template. Nope. Never happened and if I am honest I have to feel the urge to write it and then it kind of flows…
So to my 1st Class letter.
Something I haven’t told you yet is that my letter was not written to my Birth Mother. No. I said to you before that I knew someone in that specific street simply had to know MB or VS (my BM) from a time when she lived there. But who?? It stood to reason that the house immediately next door could give me the answers. According to 192.com the person in that house had lived there for 25 years. They HAD to know didn’t they. Now be sure you know the correct name of your recipient so they can be as straight with you as you are to be with them. You need this person on side, not on the back foot by trying to be clever and secretive. If you are gonna do this, do it , don’t fanny about with it. Its a one shot match now. I of course used Google Street Map to stalk the house for sometime before coming up with this cunning plan. They had a grey tabby you know. I know this because every time I saw the damn still picture from the web it gaped back at me as if to say ‘ And who the hell are you to be stalking my house?’ Cross looking thing it was too!
I have tried throughout my blog to encourage you to focus on your safety, your own self preservation and above all security. Its a big ugly place the Unknown, like when you walk into an empty house and don’t know where the light switch is. Be careful here as you are opening your soul to someone you have never met, may never meet and above all may not be able to trust.
However, as I said you will not succeed if you hide , you have to give enough way to be plausible. You could be seen as the crackpot of course, just as easily as the other way round so make yourself see this as though you are a third person. By doing this you hurt a little bit less. Not much, but a little and that little gives you the resilience to press on .
So for me my safety net was a new email address that only I knew, a Skype phone number that only I knew and no other contact detail apart from my name as it was back 45 years ago..NO chance of anyone else stalking ME on Facebook..No way people! Thats my privilage!!Ha!
I also set the Skype number on a divert to my mobile number so I could actually see the exact number on my phone if it actually were to ring.
I set about writing my letter: What do you write? You don’t even know the recipient can read? OK so they can probably read BUT who knows, they might not read English? All the doubts start up again. Bugger..thought I have got past that crap! They WILL speak English and read it as well. Hmmmm…Brushing aside my paranoia I created the letter .
I will recreate this letter as much as I remember for you…feel free to cut and paste and use as a template if you like LOL, no skin of my nose …..
It was agreed that I would initially post my letter to my Man on the Ground PD and he was to forward it first class to the recipient at number 4. We felt it safer to pop in the post box in the same city. Oh and yes it was of course sent recorded delivery!!
Dear Sir /Madam (start formal as you really have no clue who will read this )
My name is CB and I was registered and adopted early in 1970. The same year of my birth I believe my BM had another child who she kept. My birth was registered in the borough of L and I was born naturally in the maternity ward of the local Hospital on December 25th 1969 then known as ……….. My BM was a seamstress at the time of my birth and I believe she was single at the time of my adoption.
The reason for my letter is to locate this woman , last name I believe to be S.So she will now be Mrs V.S
( I did know a previous surname from marriage records on Genes Reunited)
I wondered if you, as a neighbour might know where this woman moved to and therefore help me find her.
I am married with one child of my own, live a happy healthy life and want this woman to know that the decision she made back in 1969 was the best she could have made for me. I am grateful to her for being brave enough to give me up. I hold no bitterness or anger and I certainly do not want this approach to cause her any pain or anxiety.
If you do know where this lady moved to please could you ring me on 01646 661621 with any information you might have .
I have only good intentions with this and simply feel at this stage in my life that it is time for me to reach out and find her.
My overall wish is to Thank the brave woman who gave me life.
CB x (my birth name of course inserted here!:-)
enc (I enclosed a photograph of me holding my child)
So the letter was winging its way across the UK and posted from Manchester on the Saturday….
Tuesday afternoon my PC started ringing……………and after 3 rings diverts to my mobile phone!! Yikes!
What happened next changed my life forever…………
Thanks for Reading