Everything Happens for a Reason: It may be a cliche but I wont apologize for it.

I truly believe it, despite my tongue in cheek imagery. Along this path I encountered people and places that I don’t think crossed my path by accident. If you do this search I want you to promise yourself to store every detail in you mind and revisit it to clarify it at a later date.

I honestly want you to see humour or at least some positivity in the process , despite the pain and tear inducing drama of it all, it will make you the person you want  to find when you look in the mirror.

During the search I encountered several people who had appeared on the surface to have no link to my story in any way. However as conversations and events unfolded it became clear to me that they had in a way been sent to cross my path for a reason. Call it BS if you like  but for me the reason was to heal me, give me strength and understanding to carry on..or even to turn me in a slightly different direction. I love to hear other peoples stories and at the risk of ‘Making it all about me!’ I do often find there is a definite link, a hook that defines how people meet along the path of life. I have had many experiences like this and will list only a few but trust me there were many other smaller coincidences that shook me from inside when I took the time to sit quietly and dwell .

Not everyone will understand this, but my friends will very much so. You see I am what’s known as a talker by culture maybe, but certainly by nature. You see once I start I cant stop. I am rightly or wrongly an open book. What you see is 100% what you get. Sometimes it gets me into trouble as my face is very expressive , especially my eyes and if my mouth is on full speed, the two features combined shows the listener exactly what I am thinking. I have no chance of playing Poker at any serious level but I don’t apologise for that.

At a young age I learned that pain stacks up inside you like a pile of unread books…if you let it ,the effect can be devastating when those books come crashing down. Over the years I have allowed that to happen many times and the emotional fall out is worse than anything even I can describe. That is a lesson I learned. Now , woe be-tide anyone who asks me what I think about something without actually wanting an honest answer. You will get my honest view and if it isn’t what you wanted to hear, note to self, don’t bloody ask ME. As I said you get what you ask for with me. Hence this Blog. I don’t see any point in flowering up the bits that hurt me as they weren’t flowery when they happened were they, so who am I sparing? Point is, I have strong beliefs and views and make them known if asked. ..or even if not asked actually! Hahaha!

I will now share with you the first meeting that showed me that I was on track during my search for the elusive and mysterious MB. I knew he was the key to VS, my Birth Mother. I also knew he was a blood relative of some kind, he couldn’t not be given the link with the address. If that confuses you, go back and read Part Three again!lol

Anyway…be sure that this is exactly how it happened. In order to establish that this MB even still existed I had to make about 20 random phone calls, or so they felt at the time. Not so random looking back but at the time I was like the rooky Head hunter I started as in the late 80’s….Time after time I was told by people that they didn’t know him . These people simply had to know him (I wont go into detail but suffice it to say they had to in view of where they worked themselves at the time etc) So with my Gatekeeper destroyer head on, I set to work. One particular woman I encountered had a distinctly shirty attitude with me on the phone. This piqued my interest and I made it a challenge to peel back a few layers . This also  made no sense to me. I was polite, open and even told her exactly what I needed , which was a contact number, anything to back up the link between the name MB and the address of BM. After 2 or three minutes she made it clear she was uncomfortable talking to me…even denied who she was at first. When I pointed out to her that I was actually looking at a grinning picture of her and her husband on the internet in front of their new office? Hmmm..that threw her a curve ball and she twitched even more. Shortly after I revealed that I wasn’t going to give up on this line of enquiry, she realised I meant business. You see, I explained to her that there could actually be a matter of life and death in it for me. How did I know MB didnt know of a family illness we might all share….or what if he was in fact my BM after a transexual transformation??? Ok so I have a wicked imagination and an even more twisted sense of humour. Point was, Who knew how critical this MB was to my search. I was bloody well going to  find out anyway.

Just then her voice softened and she invited me to talk to her husband and explained she herself had a little girl so could sense how important it was to me to get some answers. Next thing Mr Not So Helpful comes on the phone and to be honest the conversation I had with him hung around in my head like one of those cobwebs in my vaulted bedroom ceiling. You know the type: the stringy ones that swing out of reach every time to take a swipe. Yes , like them!..it was spooky.  Mr NSH turned out to be Mr OMG . I explained again why I was stalking his wife and what I wanted to know. A lead to trace MB. Nothing more , nothing less. He proceeded to tell me this tale. He was married before Mrs NSH and his first wife had given up a baby for adoption many years before. He said that every time they moved house she left contact details with the Local Authorities in case the daughter approached them to find her. Like the Adoption Register but on a more local basis I guess. So he moved 3 times and never any word from any of the authorities. Then on move number 4 (what was he – a bloody New Age Traveller??) ..sorry but honestly…

…..on move 4 they did hear contact from the Authorities. The daughter had left word that it was to be made known to her birth mother that she had in fact been looking for her…sadly with her personal effects. You see she was killed between move 3 and move 4 in a road accident. As I said, Spooky and more than a little sad. We concluded the conversation with Mr OMG wishing me every success in my quest and him saying he totally understood why I needed to do this and how he hoped speaking to him was helpful. It certainly was as he gave me the name and number of someone who categorically had to know MB. Call me superstitious but I also felt a strange sense that speaking to him was another omen that I was on the right track so I made the call the next day. Sadly I encountered Mr SSS (Stupidly Suspicious Sod) and he denied even having heard of MB and if pushed would have denied he existed himself either..was definitely hiding something, it smelled wrong so I left it alone..but not before saying to him as a parting shot..And I’m guessing That BMW you just parked and locked with your key fob isn’t yours either is it? He goes “How do you know I drive a BMW?”…I laughed and said ‘ Oh, just a hunch! Ha!)

May not sound like a really strange tale to hear en route to my truth but for me it meant a lot so I pressed onwards…still no way of contacting MB ..despite my Man on the Ground PD offering to camp outside the house and watch and wait…given it was not the most salubrious region of Manchester I suggested this might not be such a good plan! So we left that idea for now.

Another odd meeting during my search was when I was selling goodies at a Mother and Baby Fayre, bits and bobs for babies and children and Mums . A woman watched me for a while from her pitch supporting Breast Cancer Awareness and she strolled over to me with her leaflets and we struck up a conversation. She said to me that she wouldn’t know what to buy but loved it all ,her story was she was in the process of adopting and didn’t know what age child or baby she was likely to be blessed with so was in a situation of limbo. Delightedly we chatted on for ages about the adoption process and the agency she was working with (which I know very well personally) and I explained to her that I was adopted myself . I went on to say to her that what she was doing was a very special thing and she admitted it had been a really emotional journey from infertility to adoption . I explained I was searching my Birth Mother and hoped that one day in the future she would feel confident and secure in the knowledge that the love from her adopted child was in no way diminished by their inevitably need to to the same. She agreed that it was not for her to step in with negatively but to support and help the child if it came to it…I wished her well with it all and wondered. Why had she felt the need to open up to me with her whole painful journey story and happen to be pitched directly opposite me today?..probably no more than coincidence but again to me it felt like a sign to press on ….

A while after that I was in the Hot Tub with one other lady…yes I know , half naked is probably not the time to talk openly with strangers but as we both were what’s the harm, right?:-) So she tells me that she can see I have a troubled mind and that I am seeking answers to something but not getting the help available to me…I asked how she knew that and she just claimed I was giving off a vibe. Really? In my Rose design swim dress? You sure? She then from absolutely nowhere said ‘I am so excited myself ? OK I said ‘Why is that then? She said ‘ I just traced my Birth relatives locally, cant believe it, taken me years and they are only down the road….I swallowed hard…avoiding a mouthful of foaming Jacuzzi.

How the hell did this even come up in conversation? She went on to explain that her brother was also adopted and kicked up merry hell when she told him her intentions and for a while they fell out over it. Sound familiar? Seems he was not a natural sibling so his birth relatives would not be these people she had found. Jealousy? Envy that he would be left on the side if she skipped off into the sunset with these new relatives who had no interest or connection with him? All I knew was that this again was telling me its an all consuming, mind boggling situation to find yourself in. I also decided it was another sign telling me to press on….There was a reason I was sat in the Hot Tub with this mystery woman that morning. We are passing friends now and greet each other with a smile and a nod whenever we meet there now.

Other strange encounters triggered an inner fire in my gut to press on as I was definitely getting closer and closer..I could FEEL it, almost taste it….

I don’t care if it seems I am reading into things that show a connection…Yes I am…and truly believe you meet people and have things happen for a reason…Don’t you???

Thanks for reading

Much Love

Black Sheep

xxx
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