I often think how stories in the press and in general discussion are seem to always focus on ‘How lucky that child was to be ‘rescued’ or Look at these poor unwanted children in desperate need of families etc.
I certainly heard it myself often enough (more of that in future posts)
As one of the mums in the articles in my link said, “All too often adoptive parents are told You are so good to adopt” or “Your kids are so lucky.”
I get it. BUT I cant be the only one to notice that there is a rarity in articles pointing out the amount the adopted child brings to the party themselves. Its not enough to look at only the side of the Parent. In many cases the Adopters have tried and sadly failed at every imaginable method to have their own biological child, from natural, to IVF to Sperm Donation, Egg Donation, Egg AND Sperm donation and many other procedures I cant really get my head around so wont try. So after all of these options have been ruled out they look into Adoption or maybe Fostering. At this point it has to be determined that the child who is in need is to be matched as well as is possible with the parent who wants the child. Yes folks, it works BOTH ways. That child is a gift to any adopting parents as all other options may have been ruled out . Even with children of their own and then a wish to add an adopted child to the family, the parents are still gaining something rather special….
Imagine this: You have 2 children of your own and then plan a third. You are unable to conceive or worse still lose a third and it puts paid to the emotional turmoil of trying to conceive naturally again. You then look into your soul and realise you cannot move forward unless every option has been explored and at the time there are more and more news reports of the growing numbers of babies and children under 3 ‘desperate ‘ for families…not my chosen word but I want to get the message across that THIS is the portrayal in the media at that stage to get the heart strings tugging like Andre Rieu on his Stradivarius violin.
All children need love, every baby bonds from day one. It is a scientific fact that even a baby Rhesus Monkey -(random I know, heard it today on Jeremy Vine so it must be true) if it has no actual mummy to cuddle it will latch onto anything fluffy and mummy formed, like a giant Toy Pooh Bear of something ? Maybe. All we know is that an unborn baby will seek love the minute it draws breath….and cries! Its a given that as a baby I was no exception so given open arms and a cuddle I was bringing a whole lot to the party thanks very much Ha! I craved that love as in fact I already knew what it felt like.
Yes folks I did……….
My Birth Mother didn’t give me up on a whim, like I decide that Handbag is soooo last year! She had months to prepare herself but I guarantee it would not be any easier a decision for me or you….No she gave me up and with me a piece of her heart, a shard of her soul and the knowledge at that time that her life would always have a small piece missing. I, on the other hand went off , wrapped up in a swaddle with my tufty hair and wide Minstrel coloured eyes and sought to carry on that feeling of reciprocal love. You see my point. From the minute we are born MOST (not all) of us experience that very real feeling of love . Even those taken away immediately they are born are shown affection and a cuddle from the nurse or midwife who delivered us. Its not a new feeling , so at the point of reaching out to the open arms of our adoptive Mother, it carries on…like its transferable from within. It is just offered up again to and from a different person.
I know for certain my Adoptive parents loved me from the minute they met me, likely from the minute they ‘read’ me on paper too . I also know, and it isn’t a BUT, its an ALSO …I do know I brought them love, happiness and all the other cheeky bits of me I wont expand on.
In summary, please don’t simply read the bits about How Lucky Us Adoptive kids are, or Look How awful life could have been had you been left in Care etc …think about how much WE have to offer a couple or parent desperate to have us to love, cuddle and nurture. Its a tricky one but I am sure there are articles out there by Parents who have written how much the child has brought to their lives. For now we can only see examples of this on TV Long Lost Family style programs but its clear to me its a little one sided. Not a gripe, just an observation 🙂
See these Ten heart-warming accounts of Parents meeting their Adopted children for the first time.
Grab your Kleenex and Click on the Sheep Family!
Thanks for Reading
Lots of Love