Before I proceed with Part 3 I want to make a couple of things clear. There is no end to the story but there is an end to the journey itself. You assume the end of the journey is whether or not I find my Birth Mother. This is not the end of a journey like this so don’t be fooled . To me the journey began with those terse and blunt written letters and will end when I end. It is a cliche and I don’t care who says so, Life is a journey and I couldn’t have embarked on my Life’s journey until I found the exact place from where to start and those letters opened the doors to my road ahead. The past is important. Anyone not adopted wont see how that works. For them , Born…raised….became adult, parent , partner, wife, husband etc etc. Everything is ‘known’ . There are no unanswered questions…no hidden secrets…no mystery surrounding their early days or weeks. For someone adopted those aspects of life remain a void, a blank. A empty preface page in your life’s book that no one has filled in.
Someone said to me once ‘ Your life is your Book to write. You live through the Chapters one by one. At the point where you have choices, are mature enough to create your Chapters , you can choose the characters to take forward into the next one and who to erase and leave in the last one.”
My take on this is that given ALL the facts and ALL the information , be it positive or negative , as an adoptee you have to accept ALL of the shit and embrace all of the Honey. My life is in my own hands and without getting too deep I see myself as a pretty Spiritual Soul. Very much a ‘What will Be , Will be’ kind of girl. Therefore , just as you need to be prepared for all the side tracks and upset along the way, you will grow in strength to react appropriately but don’t be naive. Some of my behaviour on this journey going forward may come over as if I was. However, recognise the very real difference between naivety and Hope and Trust.
No one goes into this with a negative expectation, if you do , don’t bother as what’s the point? You will have hopes and dreams but gird your loins for the possibility that it might all turn to utter , devastating shit at any given time.
I am writing this almost with the believe that no one is actually reading it so it is pointless me apologising to you if I bore you with my thoughts…My journey will take you up until the present day as everything that happens in our past has a bearing on the present.
Say to yourself on a regular basis: The future is in my own hands and how I proceed will be determined on many factors. Most of which are in my control.
It is fair to say that when someone embarks on a journey such as this they learn many truths about themselves, some not that positive but in a way helpful in how to live your life to suit you and those closest to you.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk— Dalai Lama