At last its announced today that the Government will change legislation so courts and local authorities always pursue adoption when it is in a child’s interest. I heard a tale recently (in the Steam room..yes I know, random how and when these topical conversations crop up…) Basically a Foster parent of around 50 was telling me how the process of Fostering to Adoption is long winded, stressful and heartbreaking etc . However, he went on to tell me of two siblings he and his wife were Fostering. It seems they were aged 2 and 3. Nothing untoward there. Then he went on to explain how the Social service and the prospective adopters (who he said were amazing people ) were pushing for the adoption to be processed as quickly as possible. ” Perfect ” I said. He explained then (and forgive me but he pissed me off at this point) that it was in fact he and his wife who were stalling on the process , suggesting the two children were not ready for adoption. The process was then dragged on painfully for all concerned for 2 years! Yes 2 bloody years…by which time the children have stronger bonds with him and his wife (yes of course they did!!) Then he claimed that it was in the best interests of the children.
Having discussed my own adoption with him in brief, I nearly chewed my lip off sweating in that steam room and resisting the urge for a heated debate (already too hot!)
Don’t get me wrong, Foster Parents are amazingly giving people who choose to be the ‘holding ‘ stage for these half way children BUT I wonder how much clout they should or shouldn’t have in the decision making process given the Social Services are the lead in placement of these children. Surely after two years of pushing the system against what can only be described as potentially damaging delays , these poor mites will then feel saddened to have to leave the comfortable parenting with whom they consider by now to be their long term parents.
I was adopted pretty much from the womb so any foster care I had was brief and minimal. I have no bonds to sever, no memories of being moved from pillar to post and certainly don’t know any difference to the parents I ended up with..
I dont see how this can happen and hope this new legislation gets the results so children can be placed in loving stable homes in a timely fashion so as to avoid distress for all parties. The Adopters must have been very patient people and if they had no other children I imagine fairly desperate by the end of the two years
Strikes me as unfair that the Foster parents can have any part in a delay in this already tedious process that lasted 2 years!
Be really interesting to hear feedback on this as it touched a nerve with me…..
Click on the image below to link to the positive updates on legislation 🙂
Thanks for checking in
Black Sheep xxx
Wow! That would be a difficult 2 years! The only thing that would make sense to me is if the birth parents were still in the picture and working towards getting their children back. If so, the foster parents may have wanted to make sure the birth parents had ample time to get their act together before losing their children for good. I don’t know if this was the case or not, but that’s the only thing that makes sense to me.
Agreed honey, I thought of that too, although a tug of war makes it seem even more cruel and unsettling dosnt it
yeah. There’s nothing about that whole story that sounds great. Those poor children!
For sure, my impression of the man was he felt he in some way called the shots once they were in his and his wife’s foster care. I was adopted into a family and feel these kids missed out and will be more confused in their little heads from being in limbo. He didnt mention Birth Parents so I do think he made the system stall. He is awaiting more foster kids, he said small ones (he was over 50) Part of me hopes he has a long wait as that sounded counter productive, especially in view of this new legislation x
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Yes. The kids could have been adopted sooner. Which would have been better for the children. Also, that would have freed up his home for other children who need a foster family. Everyone loses in this situation. Unless there are more details we don’t know about that warrants his decision. The system can be so complicated at times.
Hi again, quick update. Met the same man again ! Asked the question , who made the ultimate decision as to how and when they were adopted. In short he as very candid in his explanation. The two kids were severely struggling with developmental issues, one regularly soiling, one only grunted etc so they were not ready to be handed to a childless couple at that point. It made sense. What was also nice was that he told me that this couple desperately wanted them despite knowing all these issues and as an ‘Adoption Party’ (which BTW I am not sure about) the kids went straight to these prospective adopters and spent the full two hours with them so it was a natural match. Glad he cleared it up for me and think we spent the following 2 hours chinwagging ..funny how you are meant to cross paths with people isnt it. Take Care, Black Sheep x
Thanks for the update. It’s nice to know this man had the children’s best interest at heart.