A Taster to My Journey

If I recap on previous info forgive me….life takes over and I am only human…:-)

Just Breathe

Ok so you have probably by now enlisted some assistance from your local council workers at least to get hold of your Adoption file for you. At the point of receipt you need to take a really really deep breath and prepare yourself to digest the information. I am going to start writing this Blog based on my own experience rather than tips and instructions. Think this is easier to digest and also certainly easier to write…so let me take you back to where I began my search ………..

As a 40 something (hmmmmm) mum of a crazy but beautiful little girl, my need to trace my birthmother became more pressing. I had attempted a search at the age of 18 driven out of angst (you know, boy troubles, not allowed to smoke in my room etc) But as luck would have it I failed miserably but what I did find was interesting nevertheless…

My adoptive Guardian still lives in the area where I was born and in the early part of my life was raised. As did my lovely grand parents. So I was shipped off to unwind and stay with them for a time in the vain hope my teenage angst would be lessened. As it happened, I found a new boyfriend (100% unsuitable in anyones eyes) Bought a horrific Shell suit and generally remained wound up like  a spring!

My 18 year old head decided to add to my stress by believing the time was right to look into the past. Big mistake. Never do this if your in a dark place in the first place. Promise me!!?!

Anyway my Guardian (Uncle) took me on a trail of the last known addresses I had in my thin folder of papers. We started by visiting what I believed to be the maternity hospital where I was born. However now I think about it I am not certain this is correct and need to clarify this with my BM. So entering I was stunned by a huge stained glass window in the front of the building, It depicted a scene from Winnie the Pooh. Now I swear to you I remembered it. But how could I? , I was a tiny baby?? Maybe its appeal to me that day made me believe it triggered a memory. Who Knows? All I do know is it has had a lasting effect on me to this day. (That was freaky thing #1) Next , the building was now an Old folks home and many elderly folk were wandering around me. There was a display of standup boards depicting changes in the building over the years. Every year was featured , except the year of my birth? (Freaky Thing #2) So we left.

From there we travelled across the city (for your info it is in the North) and to the last known address I had for my Birth mother. I have since discovered she was only here for a matter of a few months and when I saw it I had a shock. You see the city was undergoing a major regeneration and the street I now stood in was half raised to the ground! The freaky thing #3 was that the very next house to be bulldozed was the house I was looking for. As I sat in the car outside (knowing it was empty of course!) My Uncle asks ‘ What now?’ Hmmm, good question! I said  ‘Take me Home, something is telling me to leave this alone for now’ so that is what I did…until last year.

Most of you will find the most difficult time in your calendar year is your birthday….in my case I had a double whammy growing up , as my birthday happens to be Christmas Day!…..

More next time 🙂

Thanks for Reading, comments (clean) more than welcome 🙂

Black Sheep xxx

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