As an adopted person you should register with The Adoption Contact Register.
Add yourself to express an interest in finding a birth relative. You have options on this registration and need to think through them very carefully. The option I chose was to Show an interest in Contact with ONE specific person, my Birth Mother. That way I knew my search would remain focused on just finding my Birth Mother.
If you choose the option to have contact with ANY birth relative , you may find others listed who know about you and want contact. Be aware that you need to start where you came from, half siblings etc have their own issues about your existence that may not be positive? Just my cynical view and for self preservation , I advise caution in selecting this option. You can always amend your option at a later date.
You can also use the Contact Register to say you don’t want to be contacted. Defeats the object here but so you know.
From the age of 18 you can add yourself to the Adoption Contact Register provided your birth or adoption was registered with the General Register Office.
All You need are the following:
- your ORIGINAL birth name (the name given at Birth, not the name given by your Adoptive parents)
- your date of birth
- the full name(s) of your birth mother (and birth father if known)
Read the guidance notes available before completing the form. There is a fee of £15
Link to Contact Register Form
If you are like many and don’t have your birth records:
You can apply to get your birth records . Please note : If you were adopted outside England or Wales, you need to contact the General Register Office in the country where you were adopted.
Link to Application Form for your Birth Records within UK
Link to Application Form for your Birth Records outside UK
Forms should be posted to:
General Register Office
Southport PR8 2HH
or Faxed to 0151 471 4755
Follow this link for other specific postal addresses for your form
Also be aware, if you were adopted before 1975 you’ll be advised you need to attend a counseling session with an approved adoption advisor. If you choose to take assistance from your local authority, you will already be assigned someone to do this. Personally this should be YOUR personal choice so if you don’t wish to go the Social Services route (and from my experience, in my story you will see why I suggest you think twice) , then simply dont!
Your Journey, Your choice…my mantra running through this blog so don’t forget it!!
Although the purpose of this Blog is to equip you with the personal tools to trace your Birth Mother yourself, I have to show the other side of the process to some degree. So if you feel you do need assistance this is probably not the site for you. Therefore if you baulk at your own instincts and feel in any way you want to step off the roller coaster and grab a hand to hold then try an Intermediary Agency
I am not going to list these agencies as again it defeats the purpose of my blog but they are out there, some vary in their charges , from around £100 to up to £500 and you need to be certain the result will be the end of your journey. I will blog the pros and cons of both DIY and Intermediary Agency later on.
Please note AAA NORCAP are no longer operating…Good job I didn’t pass over the £500 they wanted to do the job I did for myself then eh!lol…..
The general rule is you can (again YOUR CHOICE) use an intermediary agency to trace your family if:
- a birth relative of yours was adopted before 30 December 2005
- you were adopted before 30 December 2005
When an intermediary agency finds a person, you can only contact them if they agree to it.
My major bug bear and a huge Con ( as apposed to a Pro of course, not a rip off!…although in some cases perhaps this isnt far off the mark) is that if they don’t agree, the agency won’t tell you their name ( although we assume we know this!) or exact whereabouts, but they might be able to share some information, like:
- their domestic or family circumstances
- their general health and well-being
As far as I am concerned this is all a bit vague and again suggests that actually your search may yield fruit that you are then unable to taste?? Is there a point in risking that outcome…surely more frustrating than not finding your Birth Mother at all in the first place!
The other useful thing you should do, if you do not have this already. Order a copy of your original Birth certificate. This may hold vital information to assist you in your search. For me, it confirmed my Birth Mother’s occupation at he time of my birth and may have their actual date of birth .
Follow this link:
Once you have followed Step 1 come back to me…………..